[Intro]
Now let me say a little something here, maestro
Some domestic details before I do this song
Uh, I have, uh, five children
I had four boys and a girl, with two different wives
Surprisingly, in a switch, my second wife was younger than my first
It was crazy
And I pay for it every fucking day
But, but in any case, irrespective, irrespective of that, God bless her
And uh, irrespective of that, uh
I had a friend who had the same sort of thing happen
He had two, three boys and girl
And his wife said if she'd had the girl first
She would've thought the boys were retarded
And, and there's a great deal of truth in that
In that girls don't eat much mud or bump their heads into trees
I tell you this 'cause with the first kid we had
My wife and I were twenty-two, twenty-three
My wife was German
And expected them to eat with a fork and unreasonable things like that
And so we—and it was in the days of progressive schools
So we first tried a progressive school
And they sat around on, on, you know, little cots
And got lice every couple of weeks
And some pothead would explain to you
You'd go and say, "You know, he's got lice again
You know, this is the third time"
They'd go, "Yes, we know, we know"
And it didn't work out, sort of
We sent him to a stricter school, uh
And he came home from one wearing these short kinda brown pants
And my wife's eyes lit up a little bit and it worried me
But, uh, he went to school, he went to one school
Which is distinctive only because it graded so comprehensively
Every twenty weeks you'd get a report card
That was twenty, thirty pages long, really it was
They'd break reading down ten ways and writing and everything
And he was six years old
And he got, he got D's and F's in every subject
But one in which he got an A with an exclamation point
And it was: "Meets new situations with confidence"
And I'm telling you this because, you know
At the orientation of those schools, you know
They show you around this mud hut and this, you know, sand pile
And they send you home
But for my last two kids—fifteen and sixteen
The orientation was such a fantastic experience, you know
Sociologically and every way just a mind-numbing thing
Uh, that I wanted to write about it
But so as not to waste a song on something so trivial and domestic
I include within this song the reason for the failure of Marxism
Uh, it's, it's called "The World Isn't Fair"